


Ad Astra Per Aspera

by thegreatandpowerfultoaster



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Blue-Purple Hawke, F/M, Light Angst, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15994991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatandpowerfultoaster/pseuds/thegreatandpowerfultoaster
Summary: "You deserve a break," she finally sighs at him. "After all of this, what are your plans? How's the Wardens pension?"





	Ad Astra Per Aspera

**Author's Note:**

  * For [owlmoose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlmoose/gifts).



> Anyways I wrote most of this while I should have been asleep so if anyone catches mistakes, throw them at me. And this either is existential or trying to be funny and there is no inbetween. 
> 
> And the title is basically, "to the stars, through difficulties". I love my random Latin phrases! Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Hawke wants to laugh. This is what it's come to, has it? Her, and this Warden, a man that should've been able to retire years ago, after the Blight . Come to think of it, she should be retired by now, too. Ahh well, no rest for the wicked, and all that, and Alistair was certainly pleasant company.

They are here was not nearly as watered down at it was in the hanged man, so she'd be able to drown far less of it. That was surprising, actually. They were in ar time, practically, you think that they'd have to ration it while they worked out shipments or something, she didn't Know.

In any case, it was almost good to have a break before tomorrow, when both she and Alistair and inquisitive as far would be back.to work. And who knows what would happen then. Likely things would go southwqrd, as they often did for hawke, but she wasn't worried. After this, she figured she could refuse to do anything else ever again. In a good conscience. 

"You okay?" Asked her companion. " I was told you were more talkative than this. You're being awfully quiet. " 

"I guess I am, aren't i? Just thinking. Hoping to retire from this whole hero business after this."

That earns her a chuckle, and she takes a moment to study him. If course she'd heard of him. News traveled from Ferelden quite frequently to kirkwall, especially with all the refugees living there during and after the blight. But he's different than anyone had said. Just in the hour or so they've sat here together, he's cracked jokes, that may have unintentionally shown her his insecuritys. The unknown, for one. And as hard as he tries to be an optimist, it almost seems like it was burned out of him years ago. She gets that, kind of.

 

His smile makes her want to smile, and Hawke is not nearly drunk enough to think about what that could possibly mean. Good maker, she's got a schoolchilds crush on the poor man, and she's way too old to deal with that.

Maybe it's because...aside from being charismatic, he's the hero instead of her. She likes the idea of not having to jump to save him. He could hold his own in a fight, and she likes that. Maybe admired it more than she should.

And his sweet blue eyes...under any other circumstances she'd straight up make love to him right here and now, Hawke thinks. It's an absurd thought, but one she'll be happy to revisit later. 

 

But again, there is always the promise of tomorrow, of the unknown. That frightens Hawke, too. The same way it seems to frighten Alistair. More than it used too, but she's learned what the world is like since leaving the little farm in Lothring, all that time ago.

 

It's hard for her to decide what to say to him, after those thoughts race through her head. "You deserve a break," she finally sighs at him. "After all of this, what are your plans? How's the Wardens pension?"

 

Alistair laughs, running a hand though his hair and glancing at the tabl e. "I thought this was a break. And get bad. No healthcare, either. But ah, jokes. aside, I was gonna give it a few more years, assuming this whole corrupt-mess gets solved soon. What about you? Is there any retiring from being Champion of an entire city?"

 

She shrugs. "Didn't bother to ask, actually. And you make it sound like the title means anything."

 

He's quiet for a minute, like he's almost afraid to ask her. He's still nervous, she can tell by the way he's sitting now, and refusing to look at her. "Doesn't it? I mean, isn't that sort of, I dunno...giant? "

 

Even if he's not looking she still gives him a small smile. "It was given to me by a woman who wanted my sister and everyone like her dead. So no, I try not to let it mean anything." And then quieter, more jokingly: "Besides, it just means I've got to use all my free time helping people. Ugh, charity. 

 

That finally gets him to smile, and to look at her. "Well, I can agree with that, because I know the feeling. The blight would be been over a lot sooner if there hadn't been all that pesky people in the way-oh, not to offend you, I was happy to help you all evacuate."

 

She scootches forward in her chair a little nearly involuntarily, in the process almost knocking her very forgotten drink. Hawke sets her hand in her chin. "Oh, I didn't know you'd manage to remember just a sad little girl you'd helped in lighting so long ago. I was quite insignificant. My sister really did love you, though. If only she were here to tell you herself. Just kidding, of course. She would get admit, even if you are quite handsome."

 

"Oh! I'm handsome now, an I?" The resulting eyebrow quirk only serves to prove her point. Yes, lovely.

 

"You were the talk of Lothring after you left.for a day or two, but you didn't hear it from me, of course," She whispers, leaning forward again, like it's a very good secret she's sharing. Of course he was, what else was there to talk about? The Blight? Impending death? No thank you.

 

Alistair gives her a small smirk, running the back of his neck agaim, and he flushed the tiniest bit. "Well, that is certainly a new one." He thinks for a minute, making a show of the whole thing, and then sobers just a bit and looks a little sad, before covering it up. "Actually, I remember Surana- the Hero of Ferelden or whatever, sorry, telling me the same thing once. I didn't believe her, of course."

 

It is decidedly not the time to bring up anything that might make him look like a kicked Mabrai puppy again. Can't have that, no siree. "Oh, really? She asks. Well, you'd have to be blind to not notice, so I don't blame her."

Then it gets quiet again, and she's afraid that she's said something wrong. No one knows where Surana is, and with the amount of time the two had spent together, they had to have been friends. Oh shit, what if they'd been more than that?

It's funny how quickly he seems to sense her fears, and put them to rest. "She must've thought Zevran was cuter, though." it impresses her how content with it he sounds. Maybe he's had a while it just doesn't care, though. Another thing to admire him for, Maker above. She certainly had been that accepting.

She gets him. But they're so different, in all the ways that matter. Hawke can imagine that if things were different (she says that so often it flows out of her like water) she thinks situated can imagine what tonight might lead too, long term and short term. And that bothers her in a way not many others have managed to achieve. And maybe she's just lonely, and is projecting...but it is ridiculously clear that she needs to leave before making him uncomfortable. So Hawke stands up.

"I...Well, it has been good talking to you," Awkward as fuck, good job, Hawke. "But y'know, we've got to get an early start and all, so I'm just gonna head to bed. By myself. And oh, that did not...that was...not how that was supposed to sound out loud. Goodnight."

He laughs as nervously as she feels. "Alright. Err, night Hawke. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tomorrow. If they can just get through tomorrow, she promises herself she'll send Beth a letter, telling her about this, and they'll laugh. Maybe Alistair will have forgotten that awful comment and want to join her again. She'll convince him to skip out on the Wardens and go to Ferelden with her and buy a farm, something ridiculous, something she can hold on to. They'll both just be Alistair and Hawke, not Warden and Champion. They'll buy a dog, maybe two, slowly fall in love.

They've just got to make it through another day of saving Thedas, no pressure.


End file.
